I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I understand Curling. That high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
