Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
