i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
