She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
