he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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