When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize