Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
