I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
