I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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