just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
