Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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