I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
