I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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