Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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