yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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