Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
