i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
