I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this boner is exhausting
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
