omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
