I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is Oprah even human
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
