He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize