thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
