OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
