I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
