Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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