If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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