Cold hands, warm shart.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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