I smell stomach acid.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
