I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
