remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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