he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
