omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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