Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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