capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
