There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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