Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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