why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
