omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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