she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
