okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
