some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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