I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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