I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
