You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
