Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
