i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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