That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
