8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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