Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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