3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
