Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
