11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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