If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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