Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Two words: blizzard sex
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
