I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
