Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
