nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I woke up under a house in Key West
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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