Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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