Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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