someone threw a dead crab at me
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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