Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
