I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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