he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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