Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
