she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
