somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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