Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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