dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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