you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
