there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
