I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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