Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
