Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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