they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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