Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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