New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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