Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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