just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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